Nude Dudes and Attitudes by Live, Laugh, Larceny

[00:00:00] Listener discretion is advised. Hello and welcome to Comedy, the podcast that helps you find new, emerging and undiscovered independent comedy podcasts.

[00:00:10] I'm Greg, the host and curator of comedy. Today's episode is from Live Laugh Larsony. Live Laugh Larsony is a genre-bending comedy podcast that takes funny, dumb criminal stories and tells them in a completely serious tone.

[00:00:28] I think you're going to love it. If you like today's episode, make sure to check out the episode description for links to subscribe. All right, let's get this show started.

[00:00:37] Begin. Live Laugh Larsony discusses true petty crimes that may be disturbing to some or could be easy listening to all you psychopaths out there. All stories are based on actual events, but details may vary.

[00:00:50] Listener discretion is not advised.

[00:00:55] Live Laugh Larsony

[00:01:21] Welcome to Live Laugh Larsony, the cold sore that made you lose your kissing booth license.

[00:01:28] This is Trevin and I'm Amanda. So Trevin, tell me what is your dreadful dilemma this week?

[00:01:35] So my dreadful dilemma for today is actually more of a dreadful dilemma I've been doing with for months, but I have been getting so many scam calls and scam texts.

[00:01:47] It is unreal how many I've been getting. Okay, so I get a lot of texts from unknown numbers are just like, hi, how are you?

[00:01:57] Oh God. How are you? And I got one from Zillow that was like, hey, if you were going to come look at this house on blah, blah, blah, get back with me before 11 o'clock. This one's going to self-assed and I for the first time ever was like, this feels pretty legit.

[00:02:12] So I message them back and said, hey, sorry, I'm not the person you think I am. You know, don't yeah, don't be holding your breath for this one.

[00:02:20] But I've noticed that a lot of these actually have the same name on them. What?

[00:02:25] It's a person named Riley or Riley, something like that. So I get things from a shoe company, Zapos or whatever.

[00:02:33] Yeah.

[00:02:34] And they're like, hey, did you want to get these shoes? I get ones from an animal one.

[00:02:39] It's like, hey, you looked at this dog and wanted to adopt it. Riley, are you going to come get it?

[00:02:44] What?

[00:02:45] And so I'm like, am I getting scammed or is there a person who has a very similar number to mine? Or maybe it's just a different area code.

[00:02:53] Although the houses they looked at were in Kansas City.

[00:02:56] Or maybe they just don't want to give their phone number. No, that doesn't make sense.

[00:03:01] Or somebody messing with me.

[00:03:03] Oh, you think?

[00:03:04] Good be.

[00:03:05] That is so freaking weird.

[00:03:08] Because yeah, they're not going to give the wrong phone number to like a realtor or if they're trying to get a dog.

[00:03:14] Yeah.

[00:03:15] They want them to have their right phone number.

[00:03:17] And Jim from McDonald's has been texting me a lot saying, hey, if you still want that job, we got the interview ready.

[00:03:23] What the hell, Trevor? This isn't normal.

[00:03:26] I thought you were going to say that you've been getting these weird like sexting porn star sex worker messages.

[00:03:33] No.

[00:03:34] Because both my husband and I both get those.

[00:03:37] Well, they've got those and I've also got these weird ones.

[00:03:39] So when we were in Dallas, I was over by the grassy, no old checking out where JFK got shot.

[00:03:45] And I got a bunch of emails popped up.

[00:03:48] And it was like, oh hey, you just changed your password on AOL.

[00:03:51] And I was like, oh no, because that's the main email address I use for everything.

[00:03:54] I know I'm old.

[00:03:55] And I also got a thing from PayPal that was like, oh, you changed your PayPal password.

[00:04:01] Whoa, no, I didn't.

[00:04:03] And so then my phone started ringing a bunch.

[00:04:06] And the number was like zero, zero, zero, zero, zero.

[00:04:08] And I picked it up and a little robot lady was like, hey, this is PayPal.

[00:04:13] You tried to change your password.

[00:04:15] If this was not you, press two.

[00:04:17] And I'm like, well, okay, this wasn't me.

[00:04:18] So I pushed two and it said, okay, to prove this isn't you, please give us the code that we just texted you.

[00:04:23] And I'm like, oh no, because the code that they text to you is the one that says,

[00:04:30] the device that it's going to.

[00:04:32] So if I give that to them, they use that to prove that they're me.

[00:04:35] So I don't know if the Rylea thing and this thing are related or not.

[00:04:39] Something's going on.

[00:04:41] You are getting you are getting targeted.

[00:04:44] I am.

[00:04:45] Wow, that is bizarre.

[00:04:47] Yeah, no, I've never heard of things like that.

[00:04:50] Like I've gotten the whole like I said, the weird sexy things.

[00:04:53] I've gotten, hey, we want to buy your house.

[00:04:56] But I have never gotten anything like that ever.

[00:05:00] Yeah, I texted the Zillow person back and I said, listen, I don't know who Rylea is.

[00:05:04] But if you get a hold of her, I said, if they gave you an email, I would use that.

[00:05:08] And I said, please tell that person.

[00:05:10] Did they write you back?

[00:05:11] The Zillow person, they just said, okay, thanks. I'll let them know.

[00:05:13] But I'm just like, please, whoever this person is, tell them to stop using my number on everything.

[00:05:18] Oh my God.

[00:05:19] Really?

[00:05:20] I could tell you everything going on in life right now.

[00:05:22] She wants to get a dog.

[00:05:23] She wants some new shoes.

[00:05:24] She's thinking about working in McDonald's and she's also looking at a house.

[00:05:28] Oh my God.

[00:05:29] Well, Slai Rylea, but just leave Trevyn out of it.

[00:05:32] Yeah.

[00:05:33] If you're a listener, please start and don't tell people my number.

[00:05:36] Wow. That is dreadful.

[00:05:37] I also have a dreadful dilemma.

[00:05:40] So as you know, Trevyn, and I don't know if I've talked about it on here or not,

[00:05:45] but my oldest daughter, Lila, is now in preschool, which that's not the dreadful part.

[00:05:51] I'm actually really excited. She's going to learn how to sit in her seat and do a task, you know?

[00:05:57] And socialize.

[00:05:58] And socialize and follow rules and all the great things in life.

[00:06:02] However, there's been a pattern happening.

[00:06:06] And I don't really know how I feel about it.

[00:06:10] So every day when the kids come in, there is this little board that ask a daily question to the kids.

[00:06:17] And so usually it's something simple like, are you ready to make new friends?

[00:06:21] And you have to take your magnetic star with your name on it and answer yes or no on the board.

[00:06:26] Oh.

[00:06:27] And every day they come in, there's a new question.

[00:06:29] And I was like, oh my God, this is adorable.

[00:06:32] This is a fun way to start their day.

[00:06:34] They come in, they have to do like an interactive thing. Like I love it.

[00:06:37] And it kind of helps you gauge the willingness of the kid that day.

[00:06:41] Yeah.

[00:06:42] As long as they understand how to honestly answer the question.

[00:06:44] Yeah.

[00:06:45] And I'm very curious what you think of what this has turned into though.

[00:06:49] So it was a Red Friday here in Kansas City for the Chiefs, the football game, which I know

[00:06:57] you are like a diehard fan and I just really couldn't give two shits less about football in general.

[00:07:04] But you know, it was Red Friday.

[00:07:06] I get it people are excited.

[00:07:07] It was like their first game.

[00:07:09] And so the daily question on the board was, are you wearing red?

[00:07:12] And she wasn't.

[00:07:13] And so, you know, there were a couple other kids that were wearing chiefs gear and they

[00:07:17] said yes.

[00:07:18] And she said no.

[00:07:19] That was fine.

[00:07:20] But then the next time she went to school, the question was still, are you wearing red because

[00:07:28] the Chiefs had won?

[00:07:30] Oh.

[00:07:31] And I was like, oh God.

[00:07:32] And I even told my husband I was like, I am so afraid that like every freaking question

[00:07:38] is going to be about the Chiefs.

[00:07:40] It shouldn't be.

[00:07:41] You know, like are you wearing red?

[00:07:43] Are you wearing red?

[00:07:44] Like every single Friday I'm like, this is going to give my daughter a weird complex.

[00:07:48] Like why does she keep asking me if I'm wearing red?

[00:07:50] Do I need to wear red everyday?

[00:07:53] Well, this week the game was on a Thursday.

[00:07:57] Yes.

[00:07:58] And red Friday was the day after so that was kind of a goofy thing for me at work too.

[00:08:01] Yeah.

[00:08:02] So I wore my red on Thursday and then I came to work and I was still wearing red and like,

[00:08:05] oh, I thought I could only do that one.

[00:08:06] Yeah.

[00:08:07] Oh my God, you weird little chief culties for real though.

[00:08:11] And I even told him I was like, oh my God, am I going to go in Friday after the game and

[00:08:15] did they win?

[00:08:16] See, I don't even know.

[00:08:17] Yeah, they won.

[00:08:18] So I was like, are they going to wear red again?

[00:08:20] But luckily that wasn't the question.

[00:08:22] It was something.

[00:08:23] Oh, it was if she had tying shoes, like shoe ties on her shoes.

[00:08:28] She laces what she didn't.

[00:08:30] But I was just like, oh my God, I'm going to have to keep you guys posted.

[00:08:33] I just don't want her daily preschool question to constantly be about the chiefs.

[00:08:38] Yeah, I would be cautious on Fridays but you shouldn't have other days of that.

[00:08:43] I know.

[00:08:44] I'm like, okay.

[00:08:45] If it's every Friday though and she's like, are you wearing red?

[00:08:48] I just think I was going to be like, mom, do I need to be wearing fucking red every

[00:08:51] Friday?

[00:08:52] What is going on?

[00:08:53] Yeah, it's going to come down to like, am I not fitting in?

[00:08:57] Yeah, yeah.

[00:08:58] So I'll keep you guys posted.

[00:09:00] But it was a little dreadful seeing it like back to back.

[00:09:03] I was like, okay, come on now.

[00:09:06] And I think you're the one who's afraid of not fitting in at this point.

[00:09:09] Right, right.

[00:09:10] Like what kind of a mother am I?

[00:09:12] My kid's not cheering on the chiefs.

[00:09:14] Like we don't give one shit.

[00:09:15] Oh my God.

[00:09:16] Yeah, so any who.

[00:09:19] So on to segments.

[00:09:20] Yes.

[00:09:21] Okay, so we are going to be doing a killer fact.

[00:09:25] Hello.

[00:09:27] We traced the facts.

[00:09:28] They're coming from inside the house.

[00:09:29] And boy, do I have a killer fact for you?

[00:09:38] Oh, can't wait.

[00:09:39] So I'm going off of an article from all that's interesting because I love this website

[00:09:45] and nobody covered the story quite as well.

[00:09:49] Okay.

[00:09:50] This is actually based off of a documentary.

[00:09:52] But it's not a documentary that I can find anywhere.

[00:09:55] It might be on YouTube but I haven't put that much work into it.

[00:09:58] So have you ever heard of the order of the dolphin?

[00:10:03] No.

[00:10:04] My main little story here is actually going to follow a woman by the name of Margaret, how

[00:10:09] Lovat.

[00:10:10] Okay.

[00:10:11] So in the 1960s, Carl Sagan, you know, Carl Sagan is he's the guy who does all the astronomy

[00:10:16] stuff and a lot of a lot of astronomy nerds and stuff that want to talk about different

[00:10:23] dimensions and stuff.

[00:10:24] Carl Sagan's kind of the guy who came up with a lot of that sci-fi type stuff.

[00:10:28] Okay.

[00:10:29] He was part of the secretive group called The Order of the Dolphin which was actually

[00:10:33] about searching for extraterrestrials.

[00:10:37] But he became friends with this guy named John Lilly who wrote a sci-fi book called Man

[00:10:42] and Dolphin which was about how he believed that dolphins and men can communicate with

[00:10:50] each other or at least dolphins want to communicate with us.

[00:10:53] Okay.

[00:10:54] So we just had to figure out how to do such thing.

[00:10:57] Why did that thought even enter his brain?

[00:11:00] 1960s sci-fi people, I have no idea.

[00:11:02] He's like, yep, dolphins they want to talk to us so bad.

[00:11:06] I have to solve this.

[00:11:08] Pretty much.

[00:11:09] Okay.

[00:11:10] So they built this laboratory called Dolphin Point and they had three dolphins and they

[00:11:16] were just going to do a bunch of experiments to see if they could talk to dolphins or

[00:11:20] whatnot.

[00:11:21] As the word had gotten out, this lady, 23 year old woman Margaret Howe Lovat had heard

[00:11:27] about it and I guess she just loved old movies about people who could talk to animals

[00:11:32] and she was just like, oh, I really want to talk to animals.

[00:11:35] So she shows up to the lab one day and says, I want to be a part of this.

[00:11:40] I don't care what I do.

[00:11:41] I want to see some dolphins and do my thing.

[00:11:43] And they were like sure whatever.

[00:11:44] A lot of people think that maybe they're just kind of thrown or abound and being like,

[00:11:47] yeah.

[00:11:49] So she's just a rando that loves talking to animals.

[00:11:52] Total rando.

[00:11:53] Okay.

[00:11:54] Got it.

[00:11:55] So the guys like, you can follow me around and you can take notes I guess.

[00:11:57] So she ended up taking in really good notes and they said that they couldn't help but notice

[00:12:02] how close she was getting with the dolphins are like, oh, she's doing so good with them.

[00:12:06] She's so dedicated.

[00:12:08] And so they pretty much hired her on to do more and more stuff.

[00:12:11] Damn.

[00:12:12] So when she would leave at the end of her day, she was like, I don't want to go.

[00:12:15] I love the dolphin so much.

[00:12:18] So she was like, can I live here?

[00:12:20] Whoa.

[00:12:21] That escalated so fast.

[00:12:23] Yeah.

[00:12:24] And so they said, sure.

[00:12:26] What?

[00:12:27] So she flooded the upstairs area to be about three feet of water because she said that

[00:12:33] she would be able to communicate better with the dolphins if maybe she was constantly

[00:12:38] living with one.

[00:12:39] Oh my God.

[00:12:42] There was three dolphins to her female.

[00:12:44] One was male.

[00:12:45] The male's name was Peter.

[00:12:46] And so she wanted to live with Peter.

[00:12:49] So they flooded the bedroom area or the living area so that her and Peter could live in

[00:12:54] this room.

[00:12:55] Oh my God.

[00:12:56] They said there was flooded by about like a couple feet of water which I feel like a dolphin

[00:12:59] needs more than a couple.

[00:13:00] Yeah.

[00:13:01] But what do I know?

[00:13:02] She would spend six days a week basically just stuck in this room with the dolphin and

[00:13:08] one day a week, he would go back in the tank with the other two just to give him a break

[00:13:12] let him do some more swimming.

[00:13:14] And then they would go back to another six days of isolation together.

[00:13:17] And so was she just like chilling in the water the whole time?

[00:13:20] Like where did she sleep?

[00:13:22] I think she had like a little edge where it wasn't in the water.

[00:13:24] I would hope.

[00:13:25] Well, I'll get to a part where I'll kind of explain that she's not always in the water.

[00:13:29] Okay.

[00:13:30] Okay.

[00:13:31] But she was trying to do voice training and speech lessons with the dolphin.

[00:13:35] And that's what her thing was when she was there.

[00:13:36] She was actually trying to get the dolphins to communicate with her.

[00:13:39] She was like, come on.

[00:13:40] Use your words.

[00:13:41] Use your words.

[00:13:42] Oh my God.

[00:13:43] These dolphins weren't doing it.

[00:13:45] She's like, yeah, yeah.

[00:13:47] Yeah, I think it was a lot like that.

[00:13:48] Oh my God.

[00:13:50] So I'm going to read a little section here.

[00:13:52] Okay.

[00:13:53] Through all of Peter's speech lessons and voice trainings, Lovat learned quote, when we

[00:13:58] had nothing to do was when we did the most he was very, very interested in my anatomy.

[00:14:06] If I was sitting here and my legs were in the water, he would come up and look at the back

[00:14:10] of my knee for a long time.

[00:14:12] He wanted to know how that thing worked and I was so charmed by it.

[00:14:18] So he started having these certain urges.

[00:14:21] Oh my freaking God.

[00:14:24] By looking at this lady, and I will go on to a next section in an interview.

[00:14:30] He quote would rub himself on my knee, my foot or my hand.

[00:14:38] When he would do that, they would usually be like, okay, this is a little much and they

[00:14:41] would move him back down to the tank.

[00:14:43] So she's telling the researchers this and they're like, oh, God, I'd move him.

[00:14:48] Yeah.

[00:14:49] So they would be like, okay, this is bad behavior, back with the other dolphins.

[00:14:52] But then they said, this would start to become a logistical nightmare every time he would

[00:14:58] act up and they'd be like, okay, you're getting a little too sexy, Mr. Dolphin.

[00:15:01] And they had moved him down and it's like, I can't keep moving this dolphin into different

[00:15:05] tanks every day.

[00:15:06] Yeah.

[00:15:07] Oh my God.

[00:15:09] He decided to satisfy the sexual urges of the dolphin manually.

[00:15:14] Huh?

[00:15:15] Quote.

[00:15:17] It was just easier to incorporate that and let it happen.

[00:15:21] I would just become part of what was going on, like an itch.

[00:15:24] Just get rid of the scratch and we would be done and move on.

[00:15:28] She insists that quote, it wasn't sexual on my part.

[00:15:32] Since you is perhaps, it seems to me that it made the bond closer, not because of the sexual

[00:15:37] activity, but because of the lack of having to keep breaking.

[00:15:41] And that's really all it was.

[00:15:42] I was there to get to know Peter and that was part of Peter.

[00:15:47] Yeah.

[00:15:48] His Peter was part of Peter.

[00:15:50] Oh my God.

[00:15:51] Trevin.

[00:15:52] Wow.

[00:15:53] She had this weird beauty in the beast type relationship with this dolphin.

[00:15:57] But as things started to go on, the scientists were like, hey, we're not really getting a lot

[00:16:01] of information about dolphins.

[00:16:05] You're not talking to them.

[00:16:06] No.

[00:16:07] You're kind of a freak.

[00:16:08] Yeah.

[00:16:09] And I think we're going to cut the cord on this.

[00:16:11] What ended up happening was the guy who had wrote the book, that lily guy who wrote

[00:16:16] man and dolphin.

[00:16:17] He had went to this house party and he met up with a guy who was like, I'm all about LSD

[00:16:23] and LSD does all this stuff.

[00:16:26] So they said, okay, I'm kind of more interested in LSD than I am dolphins.

[00:16:30] LSD is more fun than dolphins.

[00:16:32] Oh my God, these people are so random.

[00:16:35] And the funny thing is the guy that told him about LSD at this party ended up being

[00:16:40] the producer of the movie Flipper.

[00:16:42] Oh my God.

[00:16:44] Which is so odd.

[00:16:46] What a connection to your own killer fact.

[00:16:49] Yeah.

[00:16:50] So he got LSD and for a little bit to try to make use of both interests, he gave some

[00:16:55] of the researchers LSD and some of the dolphins LSD.

[00:16:58] You're kidding me.

[00:16:59] Let's see if it would do anything, but they said that it didn't really have a whole

[00:17:02] lot of an effect on the dolphins and it just didn't seem to really work.

[00:17:06] Also when they wanted to do that experiment, Margaret was like, do not give Peter LSD.

[00:17:12] Please don't give my love.

[00:17:13] Okay.

[00:17:14] She didn't say my love.

[00:17:15] Don't give my love LSD.

[00:17:17] But don't give my Peter LSD.

[00:17:19] And that didn't mean for that to sound like that.

[00:17:23] So they were finally just like, okay, we want to do LSD.

[00:17:27] We don't want to do dolphins anymore.

[00:17:28] We're going to have to end this thing.

[00:17:30] So Peter got put back in the tank and that was the end of their love affair.

[00:17:35] Wow.

[00:17:36] But a little bit later, Margaret got a call that Peter had actually committed suicide.

[00:17:42] The dolphin did.

[00:17:44] What?

[00:17:45] Now what they say is, and I didn't know this.

[00:17:47] There's a lot of different facts in this thing.

[00:17:48] I'm sorry.

[00:17:49] It's more of a story.

[00:17:50] Oh my God.

[00:17:51] Dolphins are not automatic air breathers like we are.

[00:17:54] It's a very conscious effort.

[00:17:56] So if life becomes too unbearable, a dolphin can take a breath and just sink to the bottom

[00:18:00] and be done.

[00:18:01] Wow.

[00:18:02] Which I did not know that.

[00:18:04] So the separation had broken Peter's heart and he just sunk to the bottom of the tank

[00:18:09] because he was no longer with his lady anymore.

[00:18:12] And then to make all this more weird, Margaret came back and actually ended up marrying

[00:18:18] the photographer that was there during the whole thing, had three kids with him and they

[00:18:24] turned the lab into a home and lived in the home.

[00:18:27] Oh my God, duh.

[00:18:30] I do not know if the lab had dolphins in it anymore.

[00:18:35] It seemed like she just had such a connection with that building and the time with Peter

[00:18:40] that she ended up marrying the guy who was like the closest to the whole situation

[00:18:47] and stayed in the same building.

[00:18:48] Oh my God.

[00:18:50] This whole thing is so bizarre to me.

[00:18:53] I understand loving animals, okay?

[00:18:56] I love my dog reptile for example.

[00:19:01] But if he was trying to hump me, I wouldn't be like, oh I'm just going to let this happen

[00:19:06] so we can move on with our relationship.

[00:19:08] Right.

[00:19:09] That's not a normal situation.

[00:19:11] She's like hand jobs, foot jobs, knee jobs, whatever gets the research done and it's like

[00:19:17] Margaret no.

[00:19:18] If I do the job fast enough, we can get back to the research quicker.

[00:19:21] And also like what research, babe, none of that is happening.

[00:19:26] You just have your kitchen flooded or wherever it was.

[00:19:30] My mind is blown.

[00:19:31] I do want to find this.

[00:19:33] It's called the, it's either the girl who or the woman who talked to dolphins is what

[00:19:36] it was called.

[00:19:37] She was not talking.

[00:19:38] Well, I think she was talking but they weren't getting that.

[00:19:40] She was a, she was doing a lot of other weird things.

[00:19:44] Wow.

[00:19:45] Well, that was really bizarre and also I didn't know that dolphins could

[00:19:51] just be like, peace I'm done.

[00:19:53] You know?

[00:19:54] Yeah, isn't that weird?

[00:19:55] Wow.

[00:19:56] I don't know.

[00:19:57] I would hate to have the ability to be like, I just think I'm not going to breathe.

[00:20:01] Like that's a lot of pressure.

[00:20:02] You know, I feel like, okay, could you just accidentally just stop breathing then if it's

[00:20:07] that much of a conscious thing?

[00:20:08] I don't know.

[00:20:09] Yeah, like the dolphins working on a really hard puzzle or something and it's just like

[00:20:13] I'm doing so much.

[00:20:14] Oh, forget the brief.

[00:20:15] Yeah, yeah.

[00:20:16] Yeah, like your body just doesn't naturally do it.

[00:20:19] That is so weird.

[00:20:20] Well, thank you, Trevyn, for sharing that with me today and all of our listeners.

[00:20:24] Yeah, the killer fact was much more of a small love story but I just felt like there

[00:20:28] were so many twists and turns that I couldn't just be like, hey, a lady gave dolphins in

[00:20:32] the hand job once.

[00:20:33] I had to be like, listen, I just don't like that.

[00:20:34] You have to build it up.

[00:20:35] Yeah.

[00:20:36] I tailor's oldest time.

[00:20:37] You had to take us all to dinner first.

[00:20:39] Okay.

[00:20:40] So I also have a killer fact today.

[00:20:42] Have you heard of the Oregon vortex?

[00:20:45] It sounds really familiar but I can't think it was this.

[00:20:48] So the stories say the native to Kelma people would try to ride their horses in this one

[00:20:55] particular area like a forested area in the woods but the horses would refuse to enter.

[00:21:03] So the natives nicknamed this area, this round circular chunk and I can't remember how wide

[00:21:09] or large it is but they nicknamed it for bit and ground.

[00:21:13] Okay.

[00:21:14] So then the gold rush happened and prospectors didn't seem to care that the area was odd

[00:21:19] because there was gold in it.

[00:21:21] Deal.

[00:21:22] Yeah.

[00:21:23] So it turned from a gold mining spot to a bizarre location where geologist, mining engineer

[00:21:30] and physicist John Lister did experiments on it for decades.

[00:21:35] So here's some of the odd things that happen in this area.

[00:21:39] So once people cross the border into the vortex, they immediately begin to lean at an angle

[00:21:46] which I've seen photographs of this shit and it's so weird.

[00:21:50] People are measured on the north side of the property and they are shorter and when they

[00:21:54] are on the south side they are taller and it's not just like level situation like they're

[00:22:01] measuring them from their toes to their head.

[00:22:04] Not like a hall of illusions type of thing.

[00:22:07] Yes.

[00:22:08] Roll uphill, brooms stand on their ends.

[00:22:12] It's just like a very weird defying gravity situation in this area.

[00:22:17] The house of mystery was built as a tourist attraction.

[00:22:21] It's been open since 1930.

[00:22:24] So in my opinion I'm sure there were scammers and illusionists and all those things even

[00:22:30] back in the 30s but for it to be created way back then and still be going today it

[00:22:38] just the skeptic in me is a little more died down because of this.

[00:22:42] Because a lot of people will be like, oh that place is just an optical illusion.

[00:22:46] Apparently there's these things called I think it's called like a magnetic hill or something

[00:22:50] like that where it can just kind of throw you off.

[00:22:53] Also they say if you can't see the horizon and like there's a shack that's kind of tilted

[00:23:00] they're like, oh that might throw it off.

[00:23:02] That might just be an illusion.

[00:23:05] But a lot of people say that there is some sort of weird force going on in that area.

[00:23:11] The leaning part is so crazy to me.

[00:23:14] I'm gonna have to show you pictures after this but it's like okay, that's not really an

[00:23:19] optical illusion if your body is leaning.

[00:23:22] You know?

[00:23:23] It's an old thing that it's mythbusters never busted yet.

[00:23:26] Is that what you're saying?

[00:23:27] Like it's something like yeah yeah yeah.

[00:23:29] It's old but even today's nobody's on the proof of wrong.

[00:23:32] Yes.

[00:23:33] Like I thought you were saying that mythbusters had done an episode on it.

[00:23:36] I was like, whoa that's cool but no.

[00:23:38] They should try.

[00:23:39] They should if they haven't already.

[00:23:41] There was a different group and I don't have their name written down but there have

[00:23:45] been people that have tried to fact check it and whatnot and horses still to this day.

[00:23:51] Animals do not want to go in that area which as you know for me if an animal is not wanting

[00:23:57] to go somewhere I am not going there either.

[00:24:01] Animals have the best instincts when it comes to like that's a danger zone.

[00:24:05] Stay the f*** out you know?

[00:24:06] Yeah when we watch Conjuring together the colony didn't want to go in the house and you

[00:24:10] were like listen to that.

[00:24:11] I was like listen to the colony what are you guys doing like oh my god that is the biggest

[00:24:17] red flag so the fact that still to this day animals don't want to enter it that's another

[00:24:22] reason in my mind that I'm like maybe there is something weird going on here I don't

[00:24:27] know.

[00:24:28] It's a really smart idea to build a weird house in a spot where you know the environment

[00:24:33] seemingly is already helping it out.

[00:24:35] Yeah yeah for sure I think they probably made a lot of money off of that.

[00:24:39] Without really having to do anything just put a house here because magic happens here.

[00:24:43] Right.

[00:24:44] That's interesting both of our killer facts had to do with experiments.

[00:24:46] Hmm are we getting scientific today Trevin?

[00:24:50] Maybe so.

[00:24:52] So is it time for stories?

[00:24:53] I think it's time for us to do some stories.

[00:24:56] I can't freaking wait.

[00:24:58] And I've got a good one this week.

[00:25:02] I'm going first and I will say this story does sort of sort of connect with my killer

[00:25:10] fact.

[00:25:11] Oh okay I don't know how I feel about that.

[00:25:15] Yeah you'll see what direction I'm going in.

[00:25:17] I think that's about all I'm going to say so let's just get comfortable and jump head

[00:25:23] first into this thing.

[00:25:25] And here we go.

[00:25:29] One of the biggest challenges we face in the modern way of life is work.

[00:25:36] Whether it be your actual paid job or a mundane task, your heart is just not into it.

[00:25:43] I'm so bored.

[00:25:44] Our brains have been so conditioned with smartphones and instant gratification that

[00:25:48] it can be very difficult to keep our eye on the prize.

[00:25:53] And though we already hate the chore that we are doing, this internal struggle makes it

[00:25:58] even worse.

[00:26:00] You try to fold a big batch of laundry but quickly remember that stain on your countertop

[00:26:05] that has bugged you for the last couple of months.

[00:26:08] Oh yeah.

[00:26:09] Instead of doing the necessary duty of saving those clothes from wrinkles, you waste the rest

[00:26:13] of the afternoon experimenting with weird products hoping to remove that blimish.

[00:26:20] The next day you wake up to a still smudge counter while going to work in pants that

[00:26:25] give you a big crinkly butt.

[00:26:30] It's a major problem.

[00:26:32] Our obligations and responsibilities never go away and we always have to find a path

[00:26:38] to their completion.

[00:26:41] This can be especially hard when we are feeling horny.

[00:26:48] You see tedious assignments already have their own challenges.

[00:26:53] But when your loins are flushed with desire, the work you need to get done feels downright

[00:26:59] impossible.

[00:27:02] On a quiet Sunday, it takes all of your strength to pull yourself up out of bed.

[00:27:08] Every ounce of your being doesn't want to clean the kitchen for company but you know

[00:27:12] you have to do it.

[00:27:15] Maybe in a state of apathy for the sweeping that you are doing, you feel your body slowly

[00:27:19] swaying left and right.

[00:27:22] And it feels exciting.

[00:27:26] As your eyes wander away from the job at hand, you can't help but notice the two large

[00:27:30] melons that you bought from yesterday's farmers market just staring you down.

[00:27:36] Two hours later your wife comes home to the stereo blasting Kinny G, the house smelling

[00:27:41] of her special lavender candle and there you are.

[00:27:46] Still slow dancing with the broom, melon in hand.

[00:27:54] These thoughts can come on suddenly with a throbbing force.

[00:27:59] Without any rhyme or reason, the big dumb sex brain can turn any boring location into a

[00:28:05] mating habitat.

[00:28:08] Boring as simple as a well sharpened pencil or the sound of a leaky faucet can cause

[00:28:13] anyone to experience a tingle in their secret place and cry out, let's make a baby.

[00:28:21] Chances are most of us can think a sink full of dirty dishes for the life that we have today.

[00:28:28] Today's salacious story is another tale of boring chores and horned up humans but we all

[00:28:35] know it can't be as simple as a quickie before vacuuming the house when it's told on this

[00:28:40] podcast.

[00:28:43] So cover your eyes and turn on a few extra fans because we are about to get nasty.

[00:28:53] Ashley was a 48 year old woman living in Monroe, Connecticut.

[00:28:58] She led a simple life with simple hobbies.

[00:29:01] Unchbook club with the girls, a house to maintain and always in bed by 9.

[00:29:09] The funding for this exciting lifestyle came from her job as a landscaper.

[00:29:14] Throughout the years she had helped maintain and decorate some of the finest homes in the

[00:29:18] greater metropolitan area of Monroe.

[00:29:22] It became an art form for Ashley.

[00:29:25] Clients would call in with unruly front yards and walk away with a grass patch made for

[00:29:30] a magazine.

[00:29:32] There was no bush she couldn't tame.

[00:29:36] Along with the challenges that came along with constantly gardening, there was one other

[00:29:40] thing about her job that always kept life exciting for her.

[00:29:44] Her coworker, Robert.

[00:29:47] The two had a will they won't their relationship that could rival any sitcom.

[00:29:53] Ashley would always bashfully compliment how Robert's pit stains resembled a Rorschach

[00:29:57] test.

[00:30:00] While Robert would put the handle of a rake between his legs and pretend he had a giant

[00:30:04] direction, it was a budding romance that left their coworkers curious and also a little

[00:30:12] grossed out.

[00:30:14] On a busy Friday of trimming hedges and whacking weeds, Robert approached Ashley in his usual

[00:30:20] creepy way.

[00:30:22] Hey, you smell like you've been working in the hot, hot sun for six hours.

[00:30:27] I love it.

[00:30:28] Robert said while breathing heavily and staring,

[00:30:32] Oh, you know how it goes.

[00:30:36] Said Ashley, I really like to work up a stink.

[00:30:42] Robert took a deep breath in and replied, yummy.

[00:30:48] The two's coworker Ryan walked by and immediately felt nauseous.

[00:30:54] Say, I'm actually getting evicted from my home this weekend.

[00:30:59] I could really use someone like you sweating all over my belongings," Robert said.

[00:31:04] Ashley didn't have anything going on this Saturday and felt like this could be the

[00:31:09] perfect opportunity for the two to talk without tiptoeing around subject matter that HR

[00:31:16] would frown upon.

[00:31:18] She immediately agreed to help and put his soon-to-be ex-address into her phone.

[00:31:25] The day of the big move came, the two carried furniture and boxes out to his e-hall all

[00:31:31] day, and just as expected, both of them worked up a big, sweaty stink.

[00:31:45] Although there are aromas were quite pleasant, the rest of the experience wasn't all that

[00:31:50] exciting.

[00:31:51] There wasn't a lot of flirting going on between the two and Robert really hadn't opened

[00:31:56] up about himself much at all.

[00:31:58] Hey, there's a bunch of firewood in the backyard that belongs to my landlord.

[00:32:03] It's not mine, but I'm going to take it anyway.

[00:32:08] Let's start loading it up," said Robert.

[00:32:12] As the duo began to load up armfuls of logs, Robert quickly seemed a bit uneasy.

[00:32:20] He excused himself and went into the house.

[00:32:23] This didn't really bother Ashley much.

[00:32:25] It was a hot day and he probably just had to use the bathroom or get a drink.

[00:32:31] Ashley continued working.

[00:32:33] He went out after load.

[00:32:34] She walked back and forth, thinking about how she wanted to get to know Robert better,

[00:32:39] and it just turned into her carrying stolen wood for him.

[00:32:44] About 20 minutes had passed, and still no sign of her coworker.

[00:32:48] Enough was enough.

[00:32:50] She couldn't decide whether she was angry or worried.

[00:32:54] It was time to check on him.

[00:32:57] As Ashley opened up the door, she heard sounds that she did not expect.

[00:33:03] She saw 70-style music and female moans bounced around the room and off the walls.

[00:33:11] As she rounded the corner into the kitchen, there stood Robert, completely naked, while

[00:33:17] watching porn on his laptop.

[00:33:18] Oh yeah!

[00:33:20] What are you doing?

[00:33:22] Ashley asked.

[00:33:23] I had to relieve myself before I could get any work done.

[00:33:27] Robert nonchalantly replied.

[00:33:30] A little annoyed at the fact that she was moving Robert's stuff while he was literally

[00:33:34] just playing with himself.

[00:33:36] Ashley shrugged off the hole and counter, and got back to moving the stolen wood.

[00:33:42] As she moved the bundles, the intrusive thoughts kept creeping up.

[00:33:47] It was so unfair that she was out there working and not him.

[00:33:52] This wasn't even her eviction move.

[00:33:55] She kept getting angrier and angrier.

[00:33:58] I'm out here moving all of his wood while he's in their handling his own wood.

[00:34:03] She said to herself.

[00:34:05] After making that very clever innuendo, the intrusive thoughts went from thoughts of anger

[00:34:11] to thoughts of Robert.

[00:34:13] It would probably be nice to take a porn break in the AC, Ashley thought.

[00:34:19] After all, I think I've earned it.

[00:34:24] She immediately threw down her current load and went back into the house, hoping to throw

[00:34:29] down another load.

[00:34:34] Opening the door, she heard the same wag guitar and female moans as before.

[00:34:38] But this time, she heard Robert speaking.

[00:34:42] Oh, I'm a dirty little pancake.

[00:34:46] He shouted an ecstasy.

[00:34:49] Once again, Ashley rounded the corner to find a naked Robert watching porn.

[00:34:55] But this time, he was smothering himself in maple syrup.

[00:35:03] Ashley bit her lip thinking about all of the erotic novels her brunch book club would discuss

[00:35:07] over pancakes and other breakfast foods.

[00:35:11] You have to let me join, Ashley demanded.

[00:35:16] You want some of this short stack?

[00:35:19] Robert said in a very seductive tone.

[00:35:22] Breakfast is the most important meal of the day you know.

[00:35:27] Ashley began to slowly unbutton her sweat and wood chip-covered blouse, revealing her glistening

[00:35:33] body.

[00:35:34] I do, Ashley said, while opening Robert's fridge.

[00:35:40] But I like my pancakes with a little more than just syrup.

[00:35:45] As the refrigerator door shut, Robert saw what Ashley was holding.

[00:35:50] There, in her sweaty hands, was a fresh jar of blueberry jelly.

[00:35:59] Smothered my little flapjacks, Paul Bunyan.

[00:36:02] Robert squealed.

[00:36:05] What followed was a love-making montage that would make you have in your blush.

[00:36:09] Curape, jam, sweat and wood chips covered the kitchen floor.

[00:36:16] It was disgusting, but this was the purest form of pleasure.

[00:36:24] She's cake with gravy!

[00:36:27] Minutes later, the two laid back on the tile floor, panting and exhausted.

[00:36:33] Robert had really made his final mark on this place for his landlord.

[00:36:37] In that mark, came in the form of blueberry maple syrup snow angels.

[00:36:42] I'm all full from this continental breakfast, Robert, Ashley said.

[00:36:48] I always love a side of sausage with my pancakes.

[00:36:53] You really had quite an appetite.

[00:36:55] Robert complimented.

[00:36:57] In the best part is, I recorded all of this so we could enjoy it for years to come.

[00:37:05] His expression of bliss quickly turned into a look of shock.

[00:37:10] She did things with blueberry jelly that would be considered illegal in Arkansas.

[00:37:16] This couldn't get out to the general public.

[00:37:18] Please, you have to delete that, Ashley pleaded.

[00:37:23] I don't want people to ever see proof of this happening.

[00:37:27] Robert's response was less than thrilled.

[00:37:31] He had never gotten anyone to fall for the old naked with maple syrup trick.

[00:37:36] After a while of arguing with one another, it was clear to Ashley that Robert would not

[00:37:40] delete the recording he had.

[00:37:44] She put her clothes on over her sticky jelly and maple syrup covered body and called the police.

[00:37:52] In December of 2018, 52-year-old Robert Somley invited his 48-year-old coworker to help

[00:37:58] him move out due to an impending eviction.

[00:38:02] During the loading process, Robert excused himself for 20 minutes until the coworker came

[00:38:07] to check on him.

[00:38:09] The coworker walked in to find Robert naked and watching porn on his laptop.

[00:38:13] He stated that he needed to relieve himself sexually before he could continue.

[00:38:19] The unnamed coworker went back outside but soon turned around and came back.

[00:38:25] According to police records, the female coworker returned to the house to find Robert still

[00:38:30] naked and smearing himself with syrup.

[00:38:34] She admitting to finding the sight of Robert to be, quote, a turn on.

[00:38:39] And she demanded that he let her join.

[00:38:42] The two engaged in coitus involving maple syrup and blueberry jelly.

[00:38:48] After the deed had been done and the woman found out the entire encounter was recorded,

[00:38:53] he demanded that it be deleted while Robert refused.

[00:38:58] This prompted the woman to call the police.

[00:39:01] Robert Somley's cell phone had been seized, which did in fact contain extensive footage

[00:39:05] of the woman who made the call.

[00:39:08] Somley was arrested on voyeurism charges but was released after posting a $50,000 bail.

[00:39:15] News of the encounter spread around media sources, giving Robert the name maple syrup man.

[00:39:21] He was even booked to guest on Howard Stern but was arrested again before going on due

[00:39:26] to allegedly violating a protective order against the woman.

[00:39:31] He was later found to be not guilty of violating that order.

[00:39:35] It wasn't until May of 2022, three and a half years after the incident that the court

[00:39:41] finally settled on the charges from the sweet breakfast sexcapade.

[00:39:46] Robert did not plead guilty of voyeurism and he was given an accelerated rehab of one

[00:39:51] year probation.

[00:39:53] If he can finish the one year probation without any arrests, all charges will be dismissed.

[00:40:00] Robert was quoted at the courthouse and saying, I couldn't have asked for a better defense

[00:40:04] lawyer.

[00:40:06] I got to be honest with you listeners.

[00:40:08] This story has me feeling a whole flurry of emotions.

[00:40:13] The sexual acts along with breakfast foods has me feeling like I need to take a short

[00:40:18] break from telling this story while the act of recording someone secretly does make me

[00:40:23] mad.

[00:40:25] Not only that, but to find out that years later, the guy won't even receive charges really

[00:40:31] upset me especially after it being proven that he did in fact do it.

[00:40:38] All of the flawed justice system, call it America or just blame the patriarchy.

[00:40:44] I honestly think that you can get away with blaming any of these three.

[00:40:49] As much as I get that our brains do want to distract ourselves from the chores set

[00:40:53] out before us, the ethics of being a good lover should always take higher precedence.

[00:40:59] At the very least, Robert should have deleted the files after being asked.

[00:41:05] Let's hope that even if Robert gets these charges expunged, the news articles can remain

[00:41:10] available forever.

[00:41:12] I'm not too worried if his maple syrup fetish affects his chances at getting a job later,

[00:41:18] but if a quick Google can ruin his chances of getting lucky on a possible Tinder encounter,

[00:41:23] at least that is some kind of justice because there is nothing sweet about a lack of consent.

[00:41:32] Preach.

[00:41:33] Oh my God, duh.

[00:41:38] The sexualization of the breakfast foods in that story, Treven.

[00:41:44] Thank you.

[00:41:45] I always feel in something when I was writing it.

[00:41:46] I know you do love breakfast food though, don't you?

[00:41:49] You're like a big pancake syrup kind of guy, right?

[00:41:53] Yeah, I think breakfast food has actually passed up my love for Chinese.

[00:41:57] Has it?

[00:41:58] Mainly because in the past, I'd had so many issues of gaining weight from eating Chinese

[00:42:03] regularly that it's now there's like a stigma in my brain that I only let myself have

[00:42:07] Chinese like once every couple months.

[00:42:09] I see.

[00:42:10] Breakfast food I can still make healthy and still feel good about myself.

[00:42:13] Okay.

[00:42:14] So I have breakfast food probably once every two weeks at least.

[00:42:17] That's fair.

[00:42:18] That's fair.

[00:42:19] So I have a lot of layers, a lot of questions that I have.

[00:42:24] Like if this guy was getting kicked out, how is he able to make bail for one?

[00:42:30] I mean, I guess he could have just gone to a bail bondsman, I guess.

[00:42:33] I don't know.

[00:42:34] Yeah, you can get bonded out and then usually those come out of the court costs too.

[00:42:39] We're not kink shamers on the show.

[00:42:42] We've said this before, but I'm just trying to picture how this woman,

[00:42:49] could have been into this man in any sort of way after being like, hey, I'm getting

[00:42:56] evicted.

[00:42:57] A, B, can you go do some manual labor while I go inside and do my own thing?

[00:43:03] And C, then to walk in on this and be like, whoa, this is my cup of tea.

[00:43:10] That's a lot of things that she had to get past.

[00:43:13] Yeah.

[00:43:14] The thing that's funny to me is she sees him and's like, I'll just go back to work and

[00:43:18] she goes back to work and then it kind of gets to her and she goes back.

[00:43:22] And she told all of this to the police officers.

[00:43:26] That's the only reason we're able to know this information.

[00:43:29] Yeah, could you imagine just being like in a TV show or a movie and it's like a whole

[00:43:34] white room.

[00:43:35] It's like cop a table, a lady and she's like, yes, so I was carrying wood and I went in

[00:43:40] and you know that creep in there?

[00:43:43] He was just naked, covered in maple syrup.

[00:43:45] God knows I couldn't get out of my head.

[00:43:47] Yeah, like you had to tell this story for it to be known.

[00:43:54] And your one complaint which totally understand totally get the recording thing.

[00:43:57] He should be in trouble for this.

[00:43:59] But I mean she stood confident with herself.

[00:44:01] It's just like, yeah, I love being a creepy man covered in syrup.

[00:44:04] My problem is I don't like being recorded.

[00:44:06] Hey, and you know what?

[00:44:07] I stand by her with that.

[00:44:09] But yeah, I just think, I don't know.

[00:44:11] If it was me, I would maybe just be like, hey, there's this video.

[00:44:16] I would like it to be deleted.

[00:44:18] You know, we were getting frisky but my God, she gave them all this information.

[00:44:24] And now even though the video itself wasn't leaked, all the details about it are.

[00:44:30] Yeah.

[00:44:31] So it kind of sucks for her.

[00:44:32] But I don't know, you can keep a little bit to yourself right?

[00:44:36] Yeah, it's also weird too because like you said, why did you find this guy attractive?

[00:44:40] He seems like a creep.

[00:44:41] Yeah.

[00:44:42] He's getting evicted.

[00:44:43] He's got a few manual labor for him.

[00:44:44] And then in this proved everything about his character by the end of it, sure he maybe

[00:44:48] had a lovely romp.

[00:44:49] But afterwards he refused to delete the recording.

[00:44:54] Yeah, it would have creeped.

[00:44:56] Every single thought that you had about this guy leading up to it, like maybe it's a red

[00:44:59] flag that's okay, he's just so hot and creepy.

[00:45:02] But then afterwards is like, oh wait, he is a piece of shit.

[00:45:05] I was right.

[00:45:06] Yeah.

[00:45:07] Because he should have just been so thankful that somebody wanted to spread jelly on his

[00:45:11] butt cheek.

[00:45:12] Oh God, that's really hard to find in today's age.

[00:45:15] Yeah, and he broke that trust.

[00:45:18] And I can't believe I really didn't think not that it really matters but I just couldn't

[00:45:22] believe at their ages.

[00:45:25] That was a little shocking to me as well.

[00:45:27] But I mean, I stand with the girl.

[00:45:29] I mean, that guy is just a creep.

[00:45:30] I just think she could do better and I hope she's moved on.

[00:45:34] I hope that she's happy somewhere with a consensual pancake lover.

[00:45:39] I hope so too.

[00:45:40] And as you can tell in the recap at the end, actually it wasn't her real name.

[00:45:44] They didn't put her real name in the news which is great.

[00:45:46] Good for her.

[00:45:47] At least there's that.

[00:45:48] You can kind of walk away from this.

[00:45:49] He can't.

[00:45:50] That's true.

[00:45:51] I mean, he could always be a dick and tell everybody her name which he probably does.

[00:45:54] Because his name is listed.

[00:45:56] Yes.

[00:45:57] So you can see the connection between that and my killer fact is getting horned up on the

[00:46:00] job.

[00:46:01] Yeah.

[00:46:02] But the other one was horned up on that.

[00:46:03] Maybe the lady was too.

[00:46:04] Since you was.

[00:46:05] I'm not having slight connection with my story.

[00:46:08] We will find out the title of this is going to be great.

[00:46:12] Also just to do some clearing up, the news articles are really weird.

[00:46:16] If you look this up, you might be prompted to tell me that I was wrong on some parts.

[00:46:21] Oh, but I will say that the news I think got it wrong in the original.

[00:46:26] Oh, they said that he was a landscaper and that the lady was his coworker and that they

[00:46:31] were on the job moving stuff which doesn't make any sense.

[00:46:34] And then they said that he took a break from landscaping to go and fondle himself to

[00:46:40] the laptop which she then eventually joined.

[00:46:43] So then I thought, okay, this guy should be getting charges for like breaking and entering

[00:46:46] too if he's going to use in someone else's laptop.

[00:46:48] Exactly.

[00:46:49] But then when I did the following up and saw that the article came out later that in May

[00:46:54] of this year, he was basically getting off, getting off of the charges.

[00:46:59] It said that he was being evicted and that she was supposed to be helping him move.

[00:47:04] It's really weird.

[00:47:05] I think that some people just saw his profession was landscaping and maybe they actually are

[00:47:09] coworkers, I'm pretty sure they were.

[00:47:11] But they weren't actually on the job landscaping.

[00:47:14] If you read any of the articles at the time that happened, they make it all sound like he

[00:47:18] was landscaping.

[00:47:19] Yeah.

[00:47:20] But he wasn't.

[00:47:21] So it's very weird.

[00:47:22] I took everything I had to make sense.

[00:47:25] And I really do not think they were at somebody else's house.

[00:47:27] That would make it 10 times worse.

[00:47:29] That would be 1000 times worse.

[00:47:33] Yeah.

[00:47:34] They're using their laptop, they're using their house, they're using their maple syrup.

[00:47:38] Yeah.

[00:47:39] That would have to have been a charge and that wasn't.

[00:47:41] So I think that all the news people probably just jumped at the headline and just rushed

[00:47:45] to make the joke.

[00:47:46] And then it wasn't until 2020 when it was, oh yeah, he was being evicted, blah, blah, blah.

[00:47:50] Wow.

[00:47:51] So just in case somebody wants to look those articles up, that's why.

[00:47:55] I mean, I'm glad it wasn't in someone else's house.

[00:47:58] Yeah.

[00:47:59] Nobody else deserved to be in that.

[00:48:00] Whew, that would be something else.

[00:48:02] Okay.

[00:48:03] Well, I also have a story for everyone.

[00:48:07] My story is also from the news.

[00:48:11] There's really not much I want to say about it.

[00:48:13] So let's just jump right in.

[00:48:14] All right.

[00:48:15] And here we go.

[00:48:20] In the world of fitness, there are only a handful of places appropriate for working out.

[00:48:28] You can work out in the safe and private environment of your own home, getting licked by

[00:48:33] your pets in between reps.

[00:48:36] You can work out outside in the fresh air by running around your neighborhood, convincing

[00:48:42] your neighbors to buy your kids' girl scout cookies.

[00:48:45] Please, if she doesn't get first place, she'll kill me.

[00:48:48] Or for those without a workout space at home, sidewalks or a fear of other humans, you

[00:48:56] can join a gym.

[00:49:00] Gems have a variety of members, but there are a few stereotypes you just can't seem to

[00:49:06] escape from in these muscle-making facilities.

[00:49:11] The Screamer is the first person you hear walking inside of a gym.

[00:49:17] The only thing this guy loves more than lifting huge weights in front of others is hearing

[00:49:22] his own grunts bellow throughout a building.

[00:49:27] The Instagram model is another important pillar in mostly every gym.

[00:49:33] Her hair never falls out of place while running.

[00:49:36] She has an art for taking over the shoulder booty selfies, and she can even make burpees

[00:49:42] look sexy.

[00:49:44] Look at that sexy woman go.

[00:49:46] Others on the list include the self-appointed coach, the college bros.

[00:49:52] The sexually frustrated cougar, the sterror, the mere magnet, and of course, the super-swatty

[00:50:00] guy.

[00:50:02] All in all, it can be an intimidating group.

[00:50:07] The story I'll be telling today is about one man's experience inside of a gym, and

[00:50:12] the trouble it got him in.

[00:50:16] Eric Stagnot was a 34-year-old man from Massachusetts who was going through a bit of a slump during

[00:50:23] the summer of 2018.

[00:50:27] His girlfriend had recently left him for not trimming up his hair or beard in years.

[00:50:33] She said it gave him a homeless man vibe and that her friends were growing concerned.

[00:50:40] He relived their last fight in his mind.

[00:50:45] His former lover held up a razor with tears in her eyes.

[00:50:49] It's me or the beard, Eric.

[00:50:53] She said desperately, but Eric just stood there, frozen in fear.

[00:50:58] He thought of how much colder he would be without his excessive hair and shuddered as

[00:51:04] his ex walked away forever.

[00:51:08] It wasn't just his love life that was causing Eric grief.

[00:51:12] All in a matter of months, his favorite substance which placed close.

[00:51:17] His dentist died and his grandma won big on a lottery scratch-off ticket, causing her

[00:51:24] to feel better than everyone.

[00:51:29] It was a lonely time.

[00:51:32] Instead of continuing to wallow in self-pity, Eric figured he would find himself a healthy

[00:51:37] hobby.

[00:51:39] In learning that paper mache and duck calls didn't interest him, he decided to try yoga.

[00:51:46] He had heard that yoga was great for the mind, body, and spirit, so how could this not

[00:51:52] be the hobby for him?

[00:51:55] The very next day, Eric made his way over to a nearby gym.

[00:52:00] As soon as he opened the heavy front doors, all of his senses became overpowered.

[00:52:06] The aggressive sounds of grunts and selfie clicks rang in his ears.

[00:52:12] The smells of sweat and ax body spray pierced through his sinuses.

[00:52:19] Everywhere he turned, he was being stared at by the collective group of horny, sticky,

[00:52:26] and angry humans.

[00:52:29] It was all too much for Eric.

[00:52:31] He backed up and ran home from the gym.

[00:52:36] He figured that would be the last time he would ever step foot into a workout establishment.

[00:52:42] Until a couple days later, when he heard a commercial for Planet Fitness on his TV.

[00:52:48] Here at Planet Fitness everyone is welcome.

[00:52:51] We are a judgment-free zone!

[00:52:55] Eric couldn't believe his ears.

[00:52:57] A judgment-free zone?

[00:53:00] The sound had much less scary than the last gym he had went to.

[00:53:04] He immediately stood up from his couch and got into his car.

[00:53:09] His destination was Planet Fitness.

[00:53:15] When Eric arrived, he was immediately reassured by the lightweight front door that he could

[00:53:20] open easily.

[00:53:22] He was then greeted by a perky gym employee.

[00:53:25] Welcome to the judgment-free zone!

[00:53:27] How may I assist you today?

[00:53:30] Eric paid for a day pass and looked around the building in awe.

[00:53:36] Ordinary people walked on treadmills and smiled in his direction.

[00:53:41] He felt safe and knew he had made the right decision by coming there.

[00:53:47] After he gathered his thoughts, he figured it was time to get comfortable and begin his

[00:53:52] new health journey.

[00:53:55] That is when Eric promptly took off all of his clothing and walked towards the yoga

[00:54:01] mats.

[00:54:04] Estonished whispers and gasps followed Eric as he made his way across the gym, completely

[00:54:10] naked.

[00:54:13] The front desk employee quickly called the local police department.

[00:54:17] But Eric hadn't noticed any of this.

[00:54:20] Where he sat, bear asked on a yoga mat, stretching peacefully.

[00:54:27] When the police arrived on scene, they found Eric on his knees and in a yoga pose, leaving

[00:54:33] nothing to the imagination.

[00:54:36] Eric appeared confused when they told him he had to come with them and that he would

[00:54:41] be charged with indecent exposure, ludeness and disorderly conduct.

[00:54:48] Versus of the nude spectacle, said they felt uncomfortable, disgusted, sick and unsafe.

[00:54:56] While the only statement Eric gave to the police was that he thought the gym was a judgment-free

[00:55:02] zone.

[00:55:05] Gems can be a confusing place to be.

[00:55:08] Never knowing where to look, what equipment to use, and who to trust.

[00:55:13] But if there's one thing we can learn from Eric, is what to wear?

[00:55:18] And that answer is simply close.

[00:55:23] Just any clothing at all.

[00:55:27] Preach!

[00:55:30] I think we can both say that we ended our stories with good messages.

[00:55:34] Great messages!

[00:55:35] Wow, what?

[00:55:36] The connections were off the charts.

[00:55:38] Off the charts!

[00:55:40] I mean, the lesser known, less important connection.

[00:55:43] It was kind of weird that they were both in the same year but obviously the main connection

[00:55:48] is horny, sticky and angry people.

[00:55:51] Yeah, at first I thought it was just going to be you talked a lot about sweat and I

[00:55:54] talked a lot about sweat.

[00:55:55] Right!

[00:55:56] But then you were like, naked dude, I had a naked dude.

[00:55:58] I know!

[00:55:59] And I wrote this, I finished writing it a couple days ago and I did not remember that I

[00:56:07] had put the hot, sticky, angry people.

[00:56:10] I was just like, oh my god, could this get any closer to Trevor's story?

[00:56:15] Wow, that was so weird.

[00:56:16] I don't know how we do it.

[00:56:18] I don't know either but yeah, there was a lot of public nudity.

[00:56:23] I even had sexually frustrated cougars in my story.

[00:56:27] I mean, there was a lot!

[00:56:28] There's a lot to unpack here.

[00:56:30] Yeah, there really is.

[00:56:32] Before we recorded this we both told you I was like, I got a good one.

[00:56:34] I know!

[00:56:35] I'm a big one and who would have thought that we were both feeling so good about the

[00:56:39] same genre of thing?

[00:56:40] Naked people.

[00:56:41] Yeah, nude dudes.

[00:56:42] Oh, nude dudes!

[00:56:43] God, I love them.

[00:56:45] Well, you really don't but...

[00:56:47] So that guy really took judgment free to a whole other level?

[00:56:51] Yes!

[00:56:52] So obviously just to clarify my story, I don't know this guy's background.

[00:56:57] I made up the fact that he was going through a breakup but when I posed his mug shot he

[00:57:03] really does have like extremely long hair and a really long, long beard.

[00:57:08] So I wanted to include that in some way and so I thought that was like an easy way

[00:57:13] to give his description is that his girlfriend's like, okay you're looking a little homeless

[00:57:18] like, you know, I gotta go.

[00:57:20] So obviously all of the back stories made up but the whole crime, the witness statements,

[00:57:25] his statement everything is 100% true.

[00:57:28] That is nuts.

[00:57:29] And how old did you say he was?

[00:57:31] 34!

[00:57:32] Oh, see I'm thinking usually at gyms it's the old man who has no shame.

[00:57:37] It's just like he is my willy.

[00:57:39] He looks way older than 34 in my opinion.

[00:57:43] Probably that breakup aged him.

[00:57:44] Yeah, really aged him.

[00:57:46] So all of that was true and I can't imagine that he took a gyms catch phrase that seriously.

[00:57:56] Like judgment free zone.

[00:57:58] Oh yeah, that means I can just do yoga completely in the nude.

[00:58:02] Yeah, I can just break the law.

[00:58:04] Yeah, like whoa bro, people are weird as we have clearly pointed out on our show.

[00:58:11] Yeah, he could make the argument like hey you can't say anything bad about my body

[00:58:15] it's judgment free but I should go get arrested for that.

[00:58:18] Yeah, like still doesn't change the laws.

[00:58:23] So strange.

[00:58:24] That is a nice story though.

[00:58:26] Thank you, thank you.

[00:58:27] I had a lot of fun writing it.

[00:58:29] I've gone to gyms before.

[00:58:31] I'm not a current gym goer by any freaking means necessary.

[00:58:36] I haven't worked out in a very long time but from my experience and from just googling

[00:58:43] on the internet trying to find gym stereotypes and things and some of them were things I had

[00:58:48] experienced, some were things I found online.

[00:58:50] I had a lot of fun coming up with all these different people that you usually find in

[00:58:55] a typical gym.

[00:58:56] I think you did a pretty good job with it.

[00:58:59] I will say a quick little story when I used to live with my boys, they both went to the

[00:59:04] gym.

[00:59:05] I always do at home workouts you and I are sitting in my gym right now.

[00:59:08] But Luke would always come home and there was always this one girl that he always saw

[00:59:12] at the gym and she was really big about like making noises when she was lifting.

[00:59:17] Wow.

[00:59:18] So both of them would catch her at different times with the gym and so anytime even to

[00:59:22] this day if we're all hanging out sometimes one of them will just go, it's so hard.

[00:59:29] Because that's what she always said when she struggled to lift heavy things.

[00:59:33] Wow.

[00:59:34] So anybody who wasn't keen on that inside joke would think that we were quoting some sort

[00:59:37] of like dirty movie or something.

[00:59:39] Yeah, you dirty dogs.

[00:59:41] But that was a girl at the gym apparently.

[00:59:43] Was she by herself?

[00:59:44] She would always go by herself, you know.

[00:59:46] And she would say that?

[00:59:47] Yep.

[00:59:48] Oh my god.

[00:59:49] I just...

[00:59:50] I don't know.

[00:59:51] I just feel like and I'm not a weightlifter either.

[00:59:54] I don't know if like when you lift big weights, you just turn into this alter ego of someone

[01:00:01] that has to talk.

[01:00:02] I don't know.

[01:00:03] I think it just kind of depends on people.

[01:00:04] Yeah.

[01:00:05] Much like we were talking about like doing the deed.

[01:00:08] Right.

[01:00:09] Some people don't talk some people do.

[01:00:10] That's true.

[01:00:11] That's true.

[01:00:12] If I'm super fatigued, I will kind of like make some grunt stuff but I'm not happy about

[01:00:16] it.

[01:00:17] But it's like me just trying to, you know, you make the most progress when you're at

[01:00:20] your breaking point.

[01:00:21] So I'm trying to make my smig it through.

[01:00:23] I'm just picturing you describing your sex life instead of working out by saying that.

[01:00:30] I'm talking about lifting weights.

[01:00:32] You're like if I'm super fatigued and oh my god.

[01:00:40] Anyway, wow.

[01:00:41] What a shocking episode.

[01:00:43] Both stories were super bizarre and couldn't have been more connected so good job us.

[01:00:49] I loved our facts.

[01:00:50] I loved our stories.

[01:00:51] Loved it all.

[01:00:52] Good, good, good.

[01:00:53] Well, thank you all for still listening to our crazy show.

[01:00:56] We have noticed that more people are joining in on our doomed crew which is so exciting.

[01:01:02] The more the merrier.

[01:01:04] Yeah.

[01:01:05] Feel free to, and I know we're going to say this in the credits but feel free to give us

[01:01:07] a good review and stop by and say hello.

[01:01:10] We love meeting or talking to you guys.

[01:01:12] Yeah.

[01:01:13] We love talking to people on all of our social media and it's been a minute since we've

[01:01:17] gotten a new review.

[01:01:18] Like leave us a review anywhere you can.

[01:01:20] We always say at the end reviews are so important for podcasters.

[01:01:26] It just really helps people realize that we are legit and we take a lot of time and care

[01:01:31] on our show.

[01:01:33] Any reviews, hopefully there'll be five stars but so far so good, right?

[01:01:39] Yeah.

[01:01:40] If you guys are new here, we are trying to take over the world so we do need your help

[01:01:43] in getting there.

[01:01:44] Yeah.

[01:01:45] Can't do this alone.

[01:01:47] Alright, well I hope everyone is having a great week and just remember no matter the

[01:01:52] crime, big or small.

[01:01:54] In the end, we're all doomed.

[01:01:56] Doom to be nude, sticky and coveted and sweat.

[01:02:00] Bye.

[01:02:01] See ya.

[01:02:03] Thank you so much for listening to our show.

[01:02:06] Make sure you tell your friends that we pair very nicely with a sexy stack of pancakes.

[01:02:13] If you've had impure thoughts about Adolphin, why don't you just tell us a little bit

[01:02:17] of badad on social media.

[01:02:19] TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Live Laugh Larsening.

[01:02:23] And if you have ever experienced a naked person at your local gym, we want to hear your

[01:02:28] story.

[01:02:29] Send us your petty crime stories to livelaughplarsening at gmail.com

[01:02:33] And if you walk into preschool with a sign on the board asking if you gave Live Laugh Larsening

[01:02:37] a five star review, you better be putting your name on yes.

[01:02:40] Give us a review on good pods, Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

[01:02:52] Everywhere he turned, he was being stared at by the collective group of horny, sticky

[01:02:58] and angry humans.

[01:03:00] Wow.

[01:03:02] What the actual fuck?

[01:03:06] I forgot I put that in there.

[01:03:08] I'm a sticky sweaty.

[01:03:11] Holy shit.

[01:03:12] How do we do this?

[01:03:13] How did that happen?

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